Staying Sane while Staying Home (with kids)

Staying Sane while Staying Home (with kids)

Thrive Parenting Podcast  Episode #1

In our first episode of the Thrive Parenting Podcast, Jennie and Lynn interview parents from around the world, gleaning great ideas about staying sane while dealing with the challenges of life during the COVID-19 stay at home orders. Below is a summary of that conversation which can also be seen on youtube, or wheverever you get your podcasts.

Staying Sane while Staying Home (with kids)

I keep hearing celebrities and others talk about what people should be doing during all their “extra time”during the Coronavirus pandemic. Every time I hear it, I can’t help but think of those parenting children with extra needs, knowing that for them this time in quarantine could provide many challenges rather than extra time.

We asked our panel of parents what they were doing with their “extra time,” and, after they stopped laughing, they shared with us their tips on how they’re staying sane during this time while parenting a child (or children) with extra needs.

Get everyone active

  • A family from Moldova who lives in an apartment shared that keeping the kids active had helped tremendously. They drive to a different place every day and spend around two hours hiking. 
  • Another family kept their children active by purchasing a piece of exercise equipment
  • One mom shared that she goes for a run during her 15 minute break from work instead of sitting around.
  • One mom, whose boys enjoy skateboarding, decided to purchase a long board so she could join in with them.
  • A great resource one family shared was gonoodle.com. It provides a variety of ways to get kids (and parents) active, as well as some breathing exercises.

Use the resources you have

  • One family had a relative who’d been furloughed from his job. They started using their daycare money to pay that relative to watch their kids while they worked. Others have been paying older children home from college to watch their younger children.
  • The mom from that same family shared that she started using the candles and other treats she’d purchased for “special occasions.” She encouraged other to consider the quarantine a special occasion and to use those items you’ve held back using.
  • A single mom recommended that people recruit relatives or others to read to kids via Skype or zoom to give themselves a short break. She also shared a resource for “virtual babysitting” called Virtual Babysitters Club (www.virtualbabysittersclub.com).

Re-frame Self-Care

  • With six kids at home, many of whom have special needs, one mom shared that she’s had to re-frame what she views as self care. “Getting a shower is now a huge deal….”
  • Another mom reminded us that “This isn’t working from home. This is trying to work during a pandemic….” She has been trying to go easy on herself, reminding her that this is no easy task.
  • Still other parents encouraged other families to maintain consistent bedtimes 

Revisit an Old Hobby (or Take Up a New One) and Consider Including the Kids

  • Since her children need a lot of help with homework, one mom has learned to crochet so she have something to do while they work.
  • Another mom has started doing scrapbooking again.
  • One dad took up a new online game to play with his friends.
  • Another family was surprised when they paid for everyone to take an online art class together  and all their kids, even the ones who don’t consider themselves artistic, loved it. (https://www.yaymaker.com/)

Take Creative Breaks

  • The family from Moldova builds a break into their day that has helped their sanity. After they return from their hike, the kids have an hour or two of quiet time in their rooms.
  • Others encourage consistent, early bedtimes for the night-owl parents to have some alone time or enforcing an early morning quiet time for early riser parents to have some time to themselves.
  • Another family has come up with a creative way to have a date night. They provide each child with some form of electronics and dinner and send them into their rooms to play. While the kids are enjoying their screen time, the parents enjoy a movie and take out in the living room.

I hope that these ideas can help you find creative ways to spend all of your “extra time” while in quarantine.

 

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Our hosts

Jennie & Lynn Owens

Jennie & Lynn Owens

Jennie is a foster parent trainer and Author of the book Dancing with a Porcupine. Lynn is counselor, founder and co-owner of Canyon Lakes Family Counseling. Together they have parented over 100 kids including the 4 they adopted.

our Special Guests

This Week we are joined by:

Sasha and Sara Pascal

Amanda Daniels

Ashley Miller

Dayna Sabbath

Chaney Mobley

 

 

You don’t have to wait for wednesday night!

The conversation happens all week long in our private facebook group. Here you can ask questions, get ideas, vent, or just share your favorite new meme. We also post a video of the large group times on our new Youtube channel. Connect with us anytime online.

When your Kids Won’t Listen: 2 Courageous Steps One Mom Took to Save Herself and Her Family

When your Kids Won’t Listen: 2 Courageous Steps One Mom Took to Save Herself and Her Family

Thrive Parenting Week 5

You have tried everything you know to get your child to listen. You know the choices they are making are sure to hurt them – or someone else.  Now you are all at home together….all the time. When you are at the end of your rope what is left?

This week at the Thrive Parenting Support Group, Ellen May, Canyon Lakes Counseling’s own therapeutic massage therapist, shares her experience of personal growth and the radical steps she took to save herself and her family.

 

When your Kids Won’t Listen: 2 Courageous Steps One Mom Took to Save Herself and Her Family

This week we interviewed Ellen May, a massage therapist with Canyon Lakes Counseling, who told an amazing story of hope from her own experience of parenting children with extra needs. Ellen tells about how she used massage to transform her relationship with a child who for years had been pushing her away and displaying challenging behaviors.

After noticing that her teenage son was struggling with severe anxiety, Ellen started doing massage for him every morning before school. She started with massaging his feet with a special scented lotion that her son had picked out every morning for about ten minutes. The results she saw came slowly but were remarkable.

Ellen clarified, “These are just things that worked for us. It may or may not work for you, but I would encourage you to at least try the massage part.”

Her son had come to her with high anxiety. Even as a toddler, he would chew on his shirt to the point where his collar and sleeve, all the way up until his elbow, was wet. When he got to middle school, he’d been terribly teased and, as a result, he hated school. The family also went through a highly traumatic event at this time, so that had increased his anxiety. The entire family was just trying to survive.

I knew that touch was something that he really enjoyed but he wasn’t real fond of me. I was just trying to find a way to connect with him

“I knew that touch was something that he really enjoyed but he wasn’t real fond of me. I was just trying to find a way to connect with him,” Ellen said. Another goal in giving him a short massage every day before school was to help bring his cortisol levels down.

After a year and a half of doing massage with him, as well as other ways of changing their interactions, Ellen’s relationship with her son significantly changed for the better. “He may still get triggered once a month or once every other month now, but he will always comes back to me now. He’ll come back and say, ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that.’ And I leave him alone. Once I know he’s ramped up, I’m gone. I’m out of the room. I’ll go outside. I don’t interact with him.” She lets him come to her when he’s ready.

Like many parents, however, there was a time when it would have been hard to meet her son’s needs in this way. For years prior, Ellen’s son had been treating her poorly and was frequently unkind to her. He would poke her or throw water bottles to physically hurt her. He would try to intimidate her and seemed to find joy in hurting her emotionally, as well.

Ellen had worked hard to try to get him to change. She’d tried everything, from telling him he couldn’t talk to her disrespectfully to trying to set healthy boundaries. But nothing was working. In fact, she found herself ramping up when he did, which wasn’t helpful. She realized something needed to change.

I was caring more about him than he was, and that wasn’t going to work

“I was caring more about him than he was, and that wasn’t going to work” Ellen said.

“I figured I wasn’t getting the mom of the year award already, so I may as well figure something else out,” Ellen said. One day, during her son’s sophomore year in high school, she was just done. “I didn’t want to interact with him. I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to pass him in the hall,” she said.

I didn’t want to interact with him. I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to pass him in the hall

Tired of being treated so rudely, she handed him his medication, made sure he had a bus pass, and told him not to ask her for anything. Other than providing the basics, like food, she backed away from doing any extras she’d been doing for him.

She also took away all requirements except the expectation to graduate on time. She didn’t try to force him to do chores or school work.  Knowing that he wasn’t likely to engage in high-risk behaviors, she allowed him to experience the consequences of his actions.

I had to do a lot of self-reflection if I was going to stay more emotionally down throttled so that when he ramped up I could stay more calm

During this time, Ellen backed off and just worked on herself. She practiced good self care activities, like exercise and massages, and worked on herself. “I had to do a lot of self-reflection if I was going to stay more emotionally down throttled so that when he ramped up I could stay more calm.” She did a lot of reading during this time, got a lot of massages, went for walks with friends, and stopped watching tv and the news.

“I only looked for things that could really help my own brain calm down and stay calm.

“Having other things outside of my kids’ trauma was really, really big because before everything went kaplooey, I had really lost myself. I had been so wrapped up in their trauma, what they needed, and what all their stuff was that I had really lost a lot of me.”

Ellen started doing real estate to have something to get out of the house and be around others. Getting out and having something to do outside of her kids’ issues was part of that healing process for her.

“I let go of almost all expectations,” Ellen said. That included allowing him to say no, which at times was very hard to do.

I just spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to connect with him

After an extended time of letting go and just working on herself, Ellen started getting to the place where she could reach out more. That’s when she started doing massages for him before school, as well as engaging in other positive interactions. “I just spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to connect with him. One of the ways was through his sense of humor, which was not mine at all. I started to try to be more playful with him. That, along with little things we would do started to thaw him out. We just kept connecting,” she said.

Ellen started to discover that some of the behaviors she used to get irritated with were actually his way of letting her know he wanted to connect. “He would stand in my way, and I would tickle him. And he would always know that I was going to tickle him. That was how he wanted to interact and be playful. Understanding how he wanted to be playful was a big thing because it wasn’t how I was.”

Between the massage and having more playful interactions, Ellen gradually saw the relationship with her son get much closer to what she’d always wanted. It came in baby steps, but it continues to move in positive direction.

“We all have an idea of what it is we want to get and we have an idea of how it should go to get there. I think with our kids it doesn’t look anything like what we think it should. And we get a lot of pressure. I had one parent say, ‘My kid used an alarm clock when he was ten years old and got himself up.’ So we have all this pressure to do all the things that other parents are doing and it works for them. That’s why I say if this doesn’t work for you, try something else. Do something different.”

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our Special Guest

Ellen May

Ellen May

Massage Therapist

Ellen is a licensed massage therapist for the state of Washington. She is a graduate of Tri-Cities School of Massage in the style of Swedish massage. She is also certified in pediatric massage with an emphasis on trauma through Liddle Kidz with Pediatric Master Teacher Tina Allen. Her love for learning means she will be adding parent training for infant massage as well as other modalities to accommodate patient needs.

Ellen loves meeting new clients and believes massage is an excellent tool for good self-care for both children and adults. Her style combines relaxation techniques of light to medium pressure with slow, rhythmic strokes and deeper work for specific areas of tension. Her goal for each person she works with is for them to feel safe, heard and nurtured through her gentle yet very therapeutic approach. This way of engaging with each client means they receive massage work that is tailored to them. She looks forward to serving all age groups with massage.

Ellen and her husband became foster parents early in their marriage eventually adopting four children.  She enjoys camping and riding dirt bikes and 4 wheelers in the summer with her family, reading and volunteering in the community and her church.

Our hosts

Jennie & Lynn Owens

Jennie & Lynn Owens

Jennie is a foster parent trainer and Author of the book Dancing with a Porcupine. Lynn is counselor, founder and co-owner of Canyon Lakes Family Counseling. Together they have parented over 100 kids including the 4 they adopted.

3 Massage Techniques you can learn to Help your Kids

Ellen trains parents in infant and pediatric massage so that they can potentially have the same benefit with their children that she had with hers. Here are three of the first techniques that she teaches in her classes. 

You don’t have to wait for wednesday night!

The conversation happens all week long in our private facebook group. Here you can ask questions, get ideas, vent, or just share your favorite new meme. We also post a video of the large group times on our new Youtube channel. Connect with us anytime online.

How to Keep Kids Active when you are stuck inside

How to Keep Kids Active when you are stuck inside

Thrive Parenting

Online Support Group For parents of kids who need some "extra supports"

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Thrive Parenting Week 2

During the training time of week 2 of the Thrive Parenting Support group, Melissa Porcaro, an occupational therapist from Richland, Washington, led us in a discussion about meeting the sensory, proprioceptive and vestibular needs of kids while stuck inside during the coronavirus stay at home orders.

Melissa is the owner of Can Do Kids in Richland, Washington where they believe that Play is a child’s work and therapists use appropriate sensory integration techniques to engage patients in fun and motivating activities which address each child’s treatment goals.

She is an expert in, among other things, sensory issues and laying the foundational work for kids who may not be considered “neurotypical.”

If you could use some ideas for keeping kids emotionally regulated or just from bounding off the walls then you’ll want to watch or listen to the conversation.

Additionally there was a round table discussion about how screen time effects children and some alternatives to using screen time to babysit kids during the coronavirus crisis.

our Special Guest

Melissa Porcaro

Melissa Porcaro

Occupational Therapist

Dena will be challenging us during our large group time to use our most valuable resource in helping our kids during the coronoavirus pandemic and give us some practical tips to make the most of this time.

Melissa is an Occupational Therapist with over 25 years of experience working with children and adults. She graduated from Texas Woman’s University in the Houston Medical Center in 1990 with four years of experience in my field. She studied for several months to receive a Sensory Integration and Praxis Certification (SIPT). Together with a partner, she began a private practice in Houston, Texas in 1992.

After 8 years in business and two (of the three) children, Melissa pursued a career in the “domestic engineering” field. This included many moves and world travel. During that time she was afforded the opportunity to teach and learn alongside her children as they traveled within the U.S. and abroad.

After living in the Tri-Cities for over 9 years — observing the struggle families were having trying to find answers to their children’s difficulties, and with the encouragement from friends and other professionals — she began sharing her experiences within the community. CAN Do Kids, LLC was born. It is a pediatric clinic employing Occupational Therapy techniques with a sensory integrative approach.

Our hosts

Jennie & Lynn Owens

Jennie & Lynn Owens

Jennie is a foster parent trainer and Author of the book Dancing with a Porcupine. Lynn is counselor, founder and co-owner of Canyon Lakes Family Counseling. Together they have parented over 100 kids including the 4 they adopted.

Here is a list of resources discussed this week:

Disconnected: How To Reconnect Our Digitally Distracted Kids

Reset Your Child’s Brain: A Four-Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time

Ultimate Brain Breaks: Cards with great ideas for keeping kids moving in a way that helps with neurological growth and organization

Thanks to Michelle H. with a lot of great resources from Relationship Development Intervention with Young Children: Social and Emotional Development Activities for Asperger Syndrome, Autism, PDD and NLD 

Parents are invited to continue the conversation at our private online facebook group

 

Some products/tools mentioned that can be used with your kids

Sensory Sox

Hiker’s Hammock

Therapy Ball

Mini Trampoline

Swing

Pod Swing

Swing Tent

Bean Bags

Register for Future groups

Want to attend a future group live? Just Register Here. Space is limited so registration is required

What else have you missed?

We record a portion of the large group time so that ideas shared there can be available to everyone even if they couldn’t make it to the meeting.

Staying Sane while Staying Home (with kids)

Staying Sane while Staying Home (with kids)

Jennie & Lynn Owens interview parents from around the world who share their top tips for making the most of staying at home with their kids during the COVID-19 pandemic

#1 Best Resource to Help your Kids During the Pandemic

#1 Best Resource to Help your Kids During the Pandemic

Thrive Parenting Week 4 At week four of the Thrive Parenting support group, Licensed Mental Health counselor, adoptive mom, super grandma, and one of our amazing small group leaders, Dena Johnson, lead our large group in thinking about the best resource to help our...

How to Keep Kids Active when you are stuck inside

How to Keep Kids Active when you are stuck inside

During the training time of week 2 of the Thrive Parenting Support group, Melissa Porcaro, an occupational therapist from Richland, Washington, led us in a discussion about meeting the sensory, proprioceptive and vestibular needs of kids while stuck inside during the coronavirus stay at home orders.

You don’t have to wait for wednesday night!

The conversation happens all week long in our private facebook group. Here you can ask questions, get ideas, vent, or just share your favorite new meme. We also post a video of the large group times on our new Youtube channel. Connect with us anytime online.

7 tips for Thriving with Kids at Home During the  COVID-19 Pandemic

7 tips for Thriving with Kids at Home During the COVID-19 Pandemic

Thrive Parenting Week 1

At the first  Thrive Parenting support group, Jennie Owens, author of the book, Dancing with a Porcupine, lead our large group with some tips to thrive during our “new normal”

 

7 tips for Thriving with Kids at Home During the COVID-19 Pandemic

With school being cancelled all over the US, parents are struggling to figure out how to best help their children. As you navigate this unprecedented situation, here are 7 tips that will help you thrive in your new normal.

1. Don’t Panic

In the long run, our kids won’t remember necessarily the facts we taught them but they will remember how they felt during this time. Don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself. This isn’t normal. It would be better for us to accomplish less and make this a positive experience.

2. Let Go of the Guilt

We aren’t experiencing life as normal. In fact, this isn’t normal homeschooling. We are in a national crisis and it’s not going to look perfect. It’s ok if your child is watching more tv than you’d hoped or you lose your cool sometimes. Go easy on yourself. Let’s get through this!

3. There’s no wrong way to do this

Some parents will choose to do a full day of school at home, while others will choose to treat it more like a summer break. For some, keeping up with the school work being sent home will be easy, but for others, especially those who are still working or who’s children require extra supports, it won’t. Do what works for your family and what you feel is best for your child. Don’t try to force something that isn’t working.

Do What Works for Your Family

4. Don’t do Regular School (or regular homeschool)

If you do choose to try to homeschool your child, remember that you don’t have to do a school all day. You can typically get done in a few hours what it takes all day to do in a regular classroom. This is an unprecedented time, and with all the change and possible anxiety, its ok to lighten the load a bit.

5. Get up and Move!

Try to get kids up and moving throughout the day. Especially for kids who’ve experienced trauma or who have sensory issues, the best thing you could do for them is to get them active. Throw on some music and have a dance party in the middle of the day.

6. Don’t be afraid of play

Consider places like Finland, where children don’t attend school until they’re seven years old and the schools incorporate lots of play into their day. Play actually does help kids learn.

According to the late Karyn Purvis, author of The Connected Child, “Scientist have recently determined that it takes approximately 400 repetitions to create new synapse in the brain – unless it is done with play, in which case, it takes between 10 and 20 repetitions.”

Maybe you can teach your child numbers by playing Go Fish or fractions by baking cookies. Put together puzzles. Make some memories.

7. Most Children Need Structure

My older children would fall apart without a lot of structure when they were younger. I hated schedules but, for them, they did better in the summer when I would plan out their time in thirty-minute increments and post a schedule. A schedule may help those children who can’t self-entertain or struggle with time management. Here is a schedule idea from BIAS Behavioral:

 

You can also work with your child to come up with a schedule. This can create buy-in for the schedule. If you are parenting a child who struggles to do anything without you, this may be a good time to help them understand that a family makes sure that everyone’s needs are met, not just one person’s. Talk with your child about things that you need to accomplish throughout the day and work on your schedule together. You can even use a timer to indicate when you will be working on something that doesn’t include them and then a timer for how long you will play a game with them. Giving them a time-frame for when you will be working versus helping them can communicate that their needs are important and help them develop patience.

If you have a child who really struggles doing anything without you but you need to get something done, consider getting them started on a game near where you are working. Have your children take turns moving your game piece for you. That way, they feel like you’re still involved even though you are getting other things accomplished.

If you keep these key points in mind, you will be able not just to survive this challenging time but thrive. Also, consider joining us for our weekly, online support group for a supportive community and more tips.  

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Our hosts

Jennie & Lynn Owens

Jennie & Lynn Owens

Jennie is a foster parent trainer and Author of the book Dancing with a Porcupine. Lynn is counselor, founder and co-owner of Canyon Lakes Family Counseling. Together they have parented over 100 kids including the 4 they adopted.

Previous Groups

We record a portion of the large group time so that ideas shared there can be available to everyone even if they couldn’t make it to the meeting.

You don’t have to wait for wednesday night!

The conversation happens all week long in our private facebook group. Here you can ask questions, get ideas, vent, or just share your favorite new meme. We also post a video of the large group times on our new Youtube channel. Connect with us anytime online.

5 stages of grief

5 stages of grief

Noted Swiss-American psychiatrist, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (7/8/1926 to 8/24/2004), posited that there are 5 stages of grief that individuals and their loved-ones encounter when diagnosed with a terminal illness:

1. Denial – Shock and disbelief prevail; the x-ray must have been interpreted wrong!
2. Anger – Why me? This is not fair!
3. Bargaining – God, I will go to church every day if you spare me.
4. Depression – There’s no hope.
5. Acceptance – A person has come to terms with the inevitable and a sense of serenity can emerge.

It is important to note the stages are not linear. In other words, people do not necessarily begin with step one, then move on to step two and so forth. Likewise, there is no set length of time one may spend in any given stage. Lastly, not all people go through every stage; some may experience only a few.

Dr. Kubler-Ross’s work provides a framework for understanding and empathizing with an individual coping with a major loss. It may be helpful for clients to know that processing through these stages is normal which, in turn, may promote an increased sense of control and self-compassion.”